My TeenPact Experience, Part 4

This is the last post in this series, though I'm sure there will be many more TeenPact references to come.  I hope you've enjoyed this series on what I've experienced and learned as a TeenPacter!

To end this series, I'm going to start with something I've learned about TeenPact elections.

All my life, I've wanted to be important, loved and accepted.  Doesn't everyone?  But I've realized that just because I didn't get through the primaries until this year doesn't mean that I wasn't well-liked or accepted by the other TeenPacters in my party.  And it doesn't mean that I wasn't good enough or hadn't tried hard enough or hadn't met enough students for anyone to want to vote for me.  I blamed myself for being fake, for not even trying to be brave, for being too shy.  And, as you've read in my previous posts in this series, I had made myself believe that no one would like me for being myself.  I put that lie in my head, walked into TeenPact and owned it.  And afterwards, I knew I'd done it all for the sake of being popular and accepted.

In the first part of this series, I wrote about how TeenPacters have a "game" of sorts.  When I first started going to TeenPact, I was so worried that I'd play the game wrong.  If I didn't play right, no one would vote for me.  If I didn't play right, no one would recognize me and ask me "For what purpose do you rise?"  If I didn't play right...On and on!  I was so afraid of the game that it consumed me. But the game is just an imaginary, silly game.  It's unwritten.  It changes.  It's not about popularity or being voted for in the elections - it's about having fun with suspending rules to make the PD talk like Kermit The Frog, or having the clerk read bills in a Speedy Gonzalez voice.  It's about poking fun at speaking con.  It's about debating a bill to make the state a constitutional monarchy, and amending it to appoint the Program Director as the king (and then, after Rendezvous, crowning him with a paper crown and giving him a coffee mug with The King written on it).  The game isn't an imposing threat that if you mess one thing up (and you don't even know what that one thing might be!), you'll fail miserably.  The game is purely fun and not real.  I just wish I'd known that sooner.

So, this year was the first time I stopped fearing the imaginary game.  I stopped caring about being fake to be liked, and started caring about being real.  And if people liked me for who I really was, well, I'd have some new friends.  And perhaps it wasn't just about me coming out from behind my mask and taking charge of my real self.  Perhaps it was actually my slogan that got me into General Elections.  Perhaps it was actually what I said during Rendezvous that allowed me to meet new people.  Or maybe it was so many things combined with my mission to stop being an awkward fake person and start being an awkward real person that brought a whole new light to my TeenPact experience.

All I know is that, this year, I didn't regret anything, cry afterwards, or kick myself for saying something dumb.  Like Lecrae says in his song, Broken:

Ain’t a soul on the planet
That’s better than another
And we all need grace in the face of each other

So I'm done with putting on masks for the sake of making friends.  If I do that, I won't be making the right friends: the ones who accept me for who I am.  I'm not Taw, Paprika, the PD who can play Devil's Advocate, or TeenPact President Fitzpatrick (of the #thanksFitzpatrick and #thanksFitzpatrickthe2nd fame).  I'm myself.  And that's good enough for me.

TeenPact, thanks for teaching me about chewy fruit and good-for-the-environment candy, for giving me fun memories that will last forever, and for getting to know awesome staffers, interns and Program Directors!  But most importantly, thanks for helping me find myself.

TeenPact has taught me to be a leader not just in my TeenPact life, but also in my daily life in general, and has greatly impacted me in my walk.  I recommend the classes to anyone and everyone in their teens!


Other Parts Of This Series:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

My TeenPact Experience, Part 3

I learn a lot when TeenPact rolls around.  The alumni track was really good this year.  The American Criminal Justice System is much more interesting than you'd think.  I had to write a 1,500-word essay about it, after all!  In the time it took me to research and write up my essay, entitled "How To Reform The American Criminal Justice System," I consumed loads of facts, stories and statistics.  I don't know when I'll ever again have to talk to someone about the 2.2 million people currently in prison, but if I do, I'll have lots of facts to back me up!

Our PD this year was, in a word, amazing.  He could play Devil's Advocate like nobody's business.  He asked questions that made us think about our opinions and why we believed in them.  "Not that your ideas are wrong, but you want to be able to back them up if someone asks you the why behind them." He said.  I still wonder if he put forth some of his own opinions when he played Devil's Advocate though. ;)

One of the things that has impacted me the most about TeenPact this year was how real I was.  I was more open with the people in my Rendezvous group.  And I'm not open with people.  But this year, when the staffers in my group asked about anything we needed to get off our chests, I didn't feel like staying quiet.  I didn't want to hide behind a mask anymore.  I didn't want to worry about whether or not one of them would judge me.  I didn't want to bother with hiding.  So, I opened up a little and found that one of the girls I know empathized with me...she knew exactly what I was going through.

When I got out of General elections, even though I didn't win, I had no regrets.  I didn't regret coming up with a dumb agrarian slogan, didn't regret trying to make people like me, didn't regret making a fool of myself, didn't regret putting on a lot of masks for everyone, didn't regret losing in the primaries.  Because I didn't have to.  Things were different this year.  I was different this year.  I had a great slogan courtesy of my Mom (thanks, Mom!), met lots of new people by just being myself, found that I had a lot more in common with some people than I'd originally thought, and got into the General elections.  And I didn't regret anything I'd done at TeenPact this year.

I made it my mission during TeenPact week to be myself.  Truth is, sometimes I don't know who that is.  But I believe TeenPact, its staffers, its program directors and its students have helped me learn day by day, week by week a little bit more about who I am.

And who knows?  Maybe next year, I'll be a senator.

Have you been to TeenPact?  Tell me in the comments section about how TP has shaped who you are!

I hope you enjoy this series of posts about my experiences at TeenPact!  Thanks for reading!

Other Parts Of This Series:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 4

My TeenPact Experience, Part 2

Hey, y'all!  Hope you enjoyed my previous post in this series!  Here's Part 2!

I knew a lot of the students this year.  Some of them were staffers now.  I smiled, shook their hands, gave them hugs if I knew them well enough.  Our PD seemed familiar to me.  Turns out, through a slightly awkward conversation, I realized I'd seen him on TeenPact Memes.  He's famous there, I guess. ;)

After catching up with my TeenPact buddies, I met a few new people...Most of them were first-timers.  I told them that, if they liked the first year, the Alumni Track would be even more fun.

I spent months writing up my essay (the previous year, you had to write two 500-word essays on interventionism.  This year, it was one 1,500 word essay on the American Criminal Justice System), planning my bill topic, and coming up with the slogan.  No more dumb agrarian slogan.  This year, I'd be myself.  This would be my slogan.  Well, not quite because...

See, every student knows Taw's name.  So, they also know that I'm his little sister.  If I had a dollar for every time I met a student or staffer who said, "Hey, you must be Taw's little sister!"  I can't tell you how rich I'd be.  But connections are good.  Especially when you have a big brother who's been elected to every position.

So, this year, my slogan was "Vote For Me.  I'm Taw's Little Sister!"  Yup, that was my slogan.  I loved it.  It was funny because everyone knew who Taw was.  And, oh, the laughs I got when I said it!  A candidate standing next to me when we were in the primaries liked it a lot.  Every time after that, when we started talking to each other, he'd say "Vote for me.  I'm Taw's little sister!"  And I laughed too.  Pretty good slogan compared to my agrarian tree hugger slogan two years before.

Primaries...Students nominate others and/or themselves.  Every candidate in your party stands in a line.  You all get asked questions, like "What would you do (selfishly...no giving it to charity) with a million dollars?"  And then you get really deep questions, like "What kind of fish would you be and why?"

I said I'd be the humuhumunukunukuāpua'a.  More laughing (mind you, I was laughing too).  One of my friends, a staffer, exclaimed, "Say that again!"  One of the students said, "I can't fit that many syllables into my mouth!"  Ah, it was a good feeling.  Being myself and loving it.  It's nice to have a good laugh with everyone when you say you'd like to be the Hawaiian state fish. And humuhumunukunukuāpua'a sounds so much more impressive than simply saying Reef Triggerfish. :D

Another part of being myself was reassuring other students - first-timers and alumni alike - that they should run, or that they'd do great, or that it'd be lots of fun.  I like to focus on helping other people feel comfortable, especially when I'm feeling just the same.  Those butterflies I told you about in my previous post?  Well, I'm not the only one who gets them.  One girl, she got elected Senator.  She sat next to me the last day, fretting about her speech, telling me she'd probably make a mistake, or just stand there and freeze.  I told her she'd do great, that I knew she would.  She gave a little laugh and said she'd totally campaign for me next year - do anything to help me out since she didn't want to run again.  She delivered her speech, and sat down next to me, breathing out a sigh.  I complimented her and she grinned.  I like that feeling of making people feel good about themselves.

So, as you can probably guess, I didn't get elected this year either.  But there's something I have to tell you.  For the first time as a TeenPacter, I got voted out of the primaries!  I made it to the General elections!  I was so, so happy!  I could hardly believe it.  I finally got to stand where my friends - and big brother - had stood.  I got to answer questions about which donut I'd be, and what our party stance was!  And there I was, more content than I'd ever been at TeenPact, standing in front of all the other students.  Lined up with all the other Senatorial candidates, answering every question with a huge smile on my face.

And, yeah, the other students laughed with me when I announced my slogan.

Have you been to TeenPact?  Did you get into the elections?  Tell me about your TP experience in the comments below!  

I hope you enjoy this series of posts about my experiences at TeenPact!  Thanks for reading!

Other Parts Of This Series:
Part 1
Part 3
Part 4

My TeenPact Experience, Part 1

Hey, y'all!  Hope you've enjoyed Memorial Weekend.  It's nice to see that over the decades, people still care about remembering America's soldiers.

This past week, I've been having a "missing the memories" time of it.  Basically, that means I remember something and feel sad about it...in a good way.  For the past few days, that something has been TeenPact.

I love everything about TeenPact except Sine Die (saɪnɪ daɪɪ - Latin, lit. End of the end.  The end of TPLeg).  So today, I'm taking that happy-sad memory of my week at TeenPact and turning it into a post. :)

TeenPact is rather, um, difficult to describe.  It's a Christian government class for teens.  You write bills, run in elections, hold a mock legislature (where you debate bills), listen to speakers, and debate stances on a subject in the Alumni Track.  And it's...it's...fun.  Person who has never attended TeenPact: "Are you kidding me?  How is that fun?  Don't take this personally, but is there something wrong with you?"

I've met kids who have attended TeenPact for years, and they've said their parents literally dragged them to the class their first year.  They just plain didn't want to go.  Four days of government stuff just didn't sound fun.  And afterwards?  They begged to come back the next year!  Hmmm, guess they actually enjoyed this government stuff.

I've never had that kind of story...My big brother, Taw, started attending the classes with his buddies who had been going for a long time.  So, naturally, I was more than excited when I was able to attend.  My first year at the Four-Day class (the One-Day is less intense, but it did prepare me for the new experience of the Four-Day), I was nervous beyond words!  I was excited, but there were butterflies in my stomach that didn't go away.  Actually, they've never gone away.  Every year, when I get up and stand in line, waiting to read my bill, those butterflies come back.  I choke and smile at the other kids standing beside me, wondering if they have those butterflies too.

Besides the butterflies that never leave, I had a crazy first year!  I was one of the new ones at the Four-Day class, so I didn't know how to "play the game."  Yes, there's a "game" of sorts at TeenPact.  The game consists of a lot of inside jokes and "cheating without cheating" of the rules, like where some students (including your big brother!) decide to pull off a "speak con on your bill" thing.  I still cringe when I remember saying "no" to my brother when he asked to "speak con."  All the alumni kids gasped, some chuckled.  Turns out he'd played the game.  Many times, the students speak con to help you (and the other students) out.  To get your bill passed.  They obey the TP rules, but when they get to the well, they joke about how "awful" this bill is for the environment, how this could never in a million years help anyone...Sounds painful, but they say it in the funniest voice, and you know they're not serious.  They're okay with your bill.  They want to help you out.  So they joke their way through speaking con.  And if they're serious about speaking con, that's okay.  At least you're one step closer to getting your bill through TPLeg.

So, I was one of the new ones.  I learned my way through the "game" (I still ended up crying a little that night after Night Class...I was sad that I hadn't known about the game before I'd said no to my own brother!) that week, and decided to run in the primaries.

Primaries are crazy things at TeenPact.  In preparation for the General elections, people create T-shirts, make posters, give out candy (mostly Starbursts and Hershey Kisses), and pass out business cards.  You never know who voted for you, just whether or not you got into the General elections or not.  My first and second year, I tried to be liked.  I wanted everybody to like me.  To me, it seemed like everyone loved Taw.  He'd been elected to every position: Governor, senator, clerk, chairman.  Man, one year he and another former Governor ran a smear campaign against themselves just so a First-Timer could win!  That was a hilarious election.

But anyway, I'd wanted to be liked.  I didn't want to be one of "those kids" who was weird and had a funny laugh and found pleasure in calling "Point Of Order" whenever I pleased.  I wanted to be like Taw.  Liked by everyone.  So I tried to be Taw.  I tried to make funny jokes that everyone laughed at.  Tried to be witty and extroverted.  Problem is, I'm severely introverted.  I can fake extrovert for a long time, but eventually I'll go back to my corner and die inside because I peopled "too much" for one day.  And I can't make up a joke on my own to save my life.  I'm funny on accident.

So, I wasn't myself.  I tried so hard to be my big brother because he was popular and smart and funny and just plain awesome.  And I wasn't myself anymore.  I felt like I wasn't good enough if I tried to be myself.  No one would want to hang out with, much less vote for, a shy, introverted, awkward, not-funny-at-all girl, right?  I made up a "funny" (dumb, actually) slogan in the agrarian party because Taw is funny, so I should be too.  I lost in the primaries that year.  Tried again the next year.  This time, I was a bit more me.  Way better than trying to be Taw.

I lost in the primaries that year too.  But I felt better.  I still wished I was in General elections, but my best friends (including my big brother, naturally) were in General elections, so I was really excited for them.  But there was still that nagging feeling inside me that I hadn't tried hard enough, that I wasn't good enough, that I'd tried to be the best I could be and had failed again.  I didn't want to be myself because no one would want me, like me, vote for me, befriend me.  I got caught up in the popularity of it all, the desire to be identical to my big brother.

But this year?  This year I made myself promise to totally be myself.  The real me.  Not the fake me.  The different, shy, introverted, not-funny, awkward girl with the awesome big brother was going to TeenPact.

Have you been to TeenPact?  Tell me what you liked most about your TP experience in the comments below!  

I hope you enjoy this series of posts about my experiences at TeenPact!  Thanks for reading!
Happy Memorial Day!

Other Parts Of This Series:
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Afraid Of The Dark

Every night in my room, it's the same conversation.

My sister tells me, "Don't shut the door and don't turn off the hall light!"
I object, "I need the darkness, so I can sleep!"
"You can too sleep with a light on."
"Yes, but..."
Blah, blah, blah...we get into an argument. All because practically every little kid (and sometimes the older kids) have a small case of nyctophobia (or whatever people call it!).
I admit, I used to be like that, too! Well, used to? I "used to" unless I watched an exceptionally rare scary movie just before bed! (Does that happen to anyone else out there reading this?)

 A few days ago, I found out that my baby cousin was apparently born blind. BLIND.
On some nights when both us girls aren't very tired, my sister will ask me what I would do if someone gave me a million babies from China...Hmm, well, no one would just up and give me a million babies, much less one! Also, why from China? I haven't the slightest idea! But every time she asks me, I answer with either "I don't know" or "I'd have a very good-tempered husband who wouldn't mind taking care of one million sons and daughters."

My little sis is very imaginative. So am I. She imagines having a house and kids of her own (as do I), while I also want to perform all over the country, worshiping God by singing. Just saying, but I think I have the less probable imagination of us two when it comes to the "When I Grow Up" category!

Hmm, I think I've headed off into another subject...Oops.

Back to my sister being afraid of the dark...In the middle of the night, when I'm just on the verge of falling asleep, she will randomly ask if she can sleep in my bed with me.

The reply? A dull "No, let me sleep."

So, while it lasts, I will be waiting for my little sister (and all the other siblings who are scared) to fall asleep so I can shut off the light...Hopefully, she will outgrow this stage of life soon.

Because I want a good night's rest...without the hall light on.  ;D

From the heart

To quote part of the email I received from Compassion, "It's time to wrap up Blog Month but not without one last effort. For this assignment, we want you to blog as if you are a sponsored child. God told us to become like little children. Remember? This assignment is about aligning with the heart of children in poverty. Write a poem about the sights, sounds and smells of poverty or write a letter to your sponsor, of 13 years or 13 minutes. Write about your feelings, fears, hopes and dreams, or imagine you've switched places with your sponsored child and write about the shock, stress and adjustments you have to make. You are a child living in extreme poverty. What do you have to say?"

Oh, dear! This is going to be tricky! I have never been very close to personal Poverty. AT ALL.

OK, I'm thinking.......

My Poem:

This is what I have to say

Living in poverty is a troubling way

To live, to be, to hear, to see

To have to know what it really means

Ten thousand babies without a life
A man with his children but not his wife
Many people who are poor
Don't know what they're living for

The hunger, the stress

My absolute best

To try to live in 

A world like this

And it's filled and filled and filled with

Poverty 

  

Just a little note: This poem was hard to make (I have never, in all my life, created a poem as big as this!). 

This was the last assignment from the September Blog Month  and guess what! On the 23rd of this month, 2,297 children were sponsored! That deserves something special!

Praise God for Compassion International! I'm glad I heard about this wonderful fight against poverty!